Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is wine microwaveable?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize