Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
