I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
