Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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