I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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