YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
