i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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