Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
