Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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