Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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