just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
