a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
