K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
