porn star boner night. come get it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
tell me about the eggs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
