i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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