Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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