the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
