In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
