thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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