is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
