I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
