It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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