i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize