I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
