The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
