i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
