I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
