have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
