A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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