i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
