today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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