Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
