So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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