i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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