My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
