Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
