Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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