chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
