you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
