Your mouth is God's brothel.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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