hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
