the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
