Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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