Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
