Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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