I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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