i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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