So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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