i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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