she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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