Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
