Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
