Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
