I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
