Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
