dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
