hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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