so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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