this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
