Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
