Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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