He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
