the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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