I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
