I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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