Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize