I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
