I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
