Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
