if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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